It’s March and that means we are celebrating our Irish heritage and Women’s History. Yes, it is a fine month to get in touch with and honor our past.

Irrespective of our actual lineage, on or about March 17th we all become Irish. We deck ourselves out in green, scarf down corned beef, potatoes and cabbage and wash it down with gallons of beer all in a solemn gastric ritual of remembrance for the fellow who kicked some serious snake ass. Of course, no snakes were ever native to Ireland, but who needs facts when we are talking about an opportunity to drink ourselves into a stupor, wear shamrocks and say brilliant things like, “Erin go Bragh or Erin go Braless?”

Likewise, we encourage even the ovary-challenged among us to join in the Women’s history celebrations. Yes, we organize lovely affairs where we consume rubbery chicken and wilted salads drizzled with low-fat dressing as we recite “Phenomenal Woman.” All done in celebrate our vaginae.

But, March has yet another holiday – Steak and a Blow Job Day. Originally conceived back in 2002 as the Men’s equivalent to Valentine’s Day, it is celebrated one month later on March 14th.

I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m all about efficiency. I propose we merge these celebrations into a single event. I offer you, “Happy St. Patrick’s Steak and a Blow Job, Women’s History Day!

We can dress in green and give that special guy a blow job and a steak as he happily hums Irish lullabies or belts out a rousing rendition of “I am Woman.” Bust out the kegs and men will be standing in line to sing the praises of Susan B. Anthony and Gloria Steinem right along side of St. Patrick.

In honor of joining Steak and a Blow Job Day with Women’s History Month and St. Patrick’s Day, I leave you with this thought from Helen Gurley Brown with my own addendum: “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere…and smart girls swallow. Erin go Bragh!”

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